Today is one of those days that the emotions just get better of me. I can't stop worrying and asking why is it all happening to my little girl? Why must life be so difficult and challenging for her ??
I am trying to surpress my inner feelings but the tears just keep running down my face.
Is it because I am tired as have faced another night filled with screaming and Leah being unsettled to the degree that I just did not know how to make things better for her ? How can I make it better if cuddles, kisses, reassurance does not work. How can I make it better if I do not understand why she is upset. The frustration due to lack of communication takes a toll on all of us.
Sometimes when I try to be strong I just can't. Whatever I do I can't stop feeling sad , like a failure and those emotions do not disappear easily, they are just there stuck with me.
Sometimes I wait till Leah is fast asleep and let my emotions go. I need to be strong for her and I can't show her any signs of weakness. I also need to be strong for my son and make sure that my emotions or worries do not impact on his mood or wellbeing.
Some days I feel on top of the world other days I feel like a failure.
I will try to be a good mother as I can't be the perfect one.
I love my children unconditionally and always try to do what is best for them. I will always try to be there for them when they need me.
When I entered motherhood my head was full of ideas what " should " I do or not do as a mother however life and my circumstances written a different script for me and made me realise that some of my ideas were entirely not achievable.
My coach thought me not to " should on me " on others "
I encourage all parents out there to ask themselves what do you think or believe is going into being a good enough parent ?
As an exercise sit down and write your own list taking special note of all the should and always.
Now think if all of them should and always are truly yours or do they belong to someone else?
When we should on others or ourselves we often set up ourselves for failure. Shoulding on yourself means you are likely doing what others want or expect you to do. It is a way to judge or punish ourselves.
Replace your shoulds with wish, can, will. It's a mindset shift that changes your inner dialogue.
Now ask yourself again am I a good parent ? I am guessing that each of you is most certainly being a good parent already....