To all people in the restaurants , parks and other public places
I understand that you may have a bad experiences because you were disturbed by my child making odd noises or behaving in a certain and not “ so normal “ way
You may have been having a difficult time and eventually gave me a look or decided to say something
I want to apologise and say sorry to those that feel disturbed by my child
I am a mother to “that child” that
Does not act “normal”
Misses millstones
Gets frustrated as she is non verbal and can’t fully communicate her needs
Often can’t comprehend situations
Does not go to bed at “ normal time and stays asleep all night”
Does not eat normal food
That do her self stimulation and stimming to regulate her sensory needs
That stays on her tablet longer than she should
But I am also a mother to that :
little girl that loves me unconditionally and I love her to bits
That works super hard to progress
That accepts any challenge I put in her way
That travels to different countries to get therapies that are not available at home
That lights up a room with every smile
That is so perfect in all her imperfections
That I love more than words can describe
We are that family:
-the one with the noisy kids
-the one who gets the looks
-the one that people do not want to sit to close too
-the one that can get super limited nhs help for my daughter needs
-that needs to look for an expensive private therapies as nothing is available on nhs
I am that mother:
that gets the looks
The snappy comments
Messages about my child behaviour
That questions everything I do
That feels alone, isolated and afraid
That worry what will happen to my girl when I am not around- who would be her voice or advocate
That is prepared to fight every fight for my children
That do not want people to feel sorry for me
That has no friends and avoids people
Each time I go to a restaurant or a public place I do try to be seated away from others, somewhere at the very back
I am aware that no one just simply by looking at us can say that we are a family with a special needs child. Not all disabilities are visible.
Inevitably as any public space/ shared space can get busy, someone may end up sitting near us. And they may have an experience that they do not like or came for. And I'd like to say to them and to you in advance, 'I'm sorry.'
I am not sorry for the way the my daughter behaves. She does not know any other way. She is the way she is and I love her to bit and would not change her for the world.
I know she needs to deal with her sensory overload and she often does that by constantly tapping her feet ,blowing raspberries or making odd noises.
I am sorry it may be loud, distracting and unacceptable to many. We are working on helping her to reduce her needs to auto stimulate and are seeking professional help.
I am not sorry that she does not act normal , constantly moves. But I am sorry that his moving and jumping about disturbed you to the point that you felt making comment about her behaviour or giving us the look was necessary.
I'm working really hard with my child and professionals to change the outcome of these public encounters anywhere we go.
I'm not interested in changing my kids but supporting them so they can function in society. This means that we need to go out , expose them to situations, people and places so we can practice.
All I can say just now is 'I'm sorry,' and let anyone know that in any public place, restaurants or plane I'm already feeling the stress of my kids actions before anyone else. I am aware my daughter can get loud, overexcited, overwhelmed. I am aware people may think I can’t handle the situation or my daughter ignores my intentions. She simply does not fully understand them. I'm tittering on the edge myself.
I do not need people to feel sorry for me or to give me that look or a comment. That definitely makes the situation harder and more stressful.
Sadly still a lot of people with autism, special needs, disabilities are still so misunderstood and not accepted.
I'm trying really hard to help my kids function in society by doing all I can and going the extra mile but it'll be an easier journey for everyone if society works a little on it too.
Therefore maybe if I say I'm sorry' and mean it, in advance and tell anyone how I'm trying to teach my children , trying to make things better for them and anyone around them, then it might make you feel a bit better, make me feel better, make us both feel a bit less stressed, tense, a bit less snappy. Perhaps we might manage to train ourselves how to get through outings together or a flight together without it becoming another disappointment for any us?
Pointing fingers , jumping into conclusions and judging other is easy. But before you get ready to make a statement or your opinions known make sure you knows someone story….
